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Monday, July 11, 2016

Arsenic and Old Habits

Beware Toxicity!   (Public Domain)
You don’t have to be lacing your spouse’s coffee with arsenic in order to be a toxic partner.  All it takes are some old habits
that need changing.

According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, such tendencies as “incessant criticism, regular defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling” will wipe out intimacy quickly. With enough time and intensity, such toxicity can kill the partners themselves.

How can you catch yourself engaging in poisonous behaviors?  Not accepting blame for quarrels is one red flag to watch for.  It’s important to see your own part before pointing fingers at others.

Allowing invalidating remarks to pop past your lips is another sure sign of trouble.  Statements such as “You’re crazy!” and “What’s wrong with you?”tend to hang in the atmosphere like puffs of acrid smoke.

Engaging in "the silent treatment" as a response to frustration is both ineffective and manipulative.  “Scolding, yelling, and punishing” rarely work well with either children or adults.



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