Bucket Half Full

(Photo by Wolfgang Sauber)

Although a glass half full seems optimistic, a bucket half full may feel even more so.

Many folks, especially within their elder years, begin focusing upon what they call a “bucket list.”  It consists of things they still wish to experience before kicking the proverbial one.

Not a bad idea, generally…  Yet when it becomes so consuming that the rest of life pales in comparison, some reverse bucketing might be in order.  While tipping life’s bucket backwards, one can begin to feel gratitude, and perhaps even joy, for what has already biographically occurred.  One’s cup may then feel more full than empty.

Psychiatrist Sue Varna therefore advises: “Grab a pen and paper and highlight the moments that [already] brought you joy and made you feel confident and seen.  It only takes 10 minutes.”

Resources

https://www.today.com/health/mind-body/reverse-bucket-list-psychiatrist-explains-rcna593097 

 

Getting a Word in Edgewise

(Public Domain)

There are medicalized labels for all sorts of tendencies these days.  The heretofore “blabby motormouth” is now said to be a “conversational narcissist.”  (Discerning readers are likely wondering which is worse…) 

Suggested remedies are as plentiful as silver-tongued pronouncements, and HuffPost has plenty of both.  If you’re caught between a loquacious rock and a verbose hard place, here are some of its esteemed pointers: stay in touch with your own feelings as they’re arising, try not to take the situation too personally, recall the speaker's better tendencies, empathetically communicate when you feel the need to talk, and set an internal limit on how long you will continue with this one-sided pattern. 

Resources

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/how-to-deal-with-a-conversational-narcissist/

  

We used to just call it hinting around...

(Public Domain)

It seems as though things have taken a turn for the dramatic, especially insofar as language is concerned.  What used to be simply called “hinting around” is now dubbed “dry begging.”

The very phrase “dry begging” conjures up images of extreme hunger and thirst. We’re talking the very bottom of Maslow's pyramid rather than just a fatigued spouse who’d rather not tackle the evening dishes.

In the latter case, one partner might sigh out loud, “Gee, that pillow’s looking mighty inviting…”  The other half then has a choice: He or she can make a beeline for the dishwasher or simply reply, “I’m feeling exhausted myself, how about helping out with this one last act of mercy before diving between the sheets?”

Direct communication can often avert cumulative resentments. When wants or needs are stated calmly and clearly, negotiations can more fairly proceed. “Dry begging” would then be reserved for dire situations that far transcend life’s everyday blips.  

Resources

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/love-sex/what-is-dry-begging-in-a-relationship-a-therapist-explains/rk

 

Ex Marks the Spot

(Huastec Sculpture, c. 250-900 CE)

On again, off again, on again, off again…  It’s becoming a THING within certain circling circles.

We’re talking relationships.  Ones that break up only to make up.  Ones that eventually last - only after repeated trials and errors.

Some warn against this, saying: “Your ex is an ex for a reason!” But perhaps the reason is also you.  And perhaps you were brought together in the first place in order to learn from one another’s rough edges.  And perhaps no great thing is ever accomplished without a bunch of persistent tries.

John Lennon declared that karma is sometimes instant.  Although that may seem the case, it’s more likely that what seems instant is only the tip of a long-developing saga.

So buckle up and ride those waves.  Love is more of a slow burn than a hot little number. Some relationships may indeed run their karmic course in a hurry, yet others may need LOTS of practice in order to bear spiritual fruit. 

Resources

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/love-sex/inside-the-rise-of-the-circular-relationship/

 

 

There are Ghosts, and Then There are Ghosts

(Fair Use)

Not all ghosts are disembodied.  Some are in the flesh right here and now.  They are the ones about whom you can say: “Now you see 'em, now you don’t!”

In the dating world, ghosting has become rampant. When someone wants a break, they no longer give you fair warning.  Instead, they simply vanish from your life.

What’s worse is a new trend called “ghostlighting.” This occurs when a dating partner simply disappears for a while, then suddenly reappears as though nothing happened.  If you question this phenomenon, you’ll be told that it’s all in your head, and that the interim void was just their compassionate way of giving you the space that you needed.  They will then seek to slide back in without missing a beat.

Therefore, beware!  Not all ghosts are as friendly as Casper.

Resources

https://www.msn.com/en-ca/movies/reviews/there-s-a-toxic-new-dating-trend-called-ghostlighting-it-s-even-worse-than-ghosting/ar-AA1X3fyQ?cvid=69a0bcb6222644fd8fa0f650d489e2c1&ocid=MicroHP

 

Healing or Squealing?

Return of the Prodigal Son
(Rembrandt)

There’s an old maxim concerning these “Three Gates” through which wise speech must pass: “Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?”

The Buddhist Vaca Sutta adds: “Is it spoken at the right time? Is it spoken in truth? Is it spoken affectionately? Is it spoken beneficially? Is it spoken with a mind of good will?”

Nevertheless, there are those who believe in the efficacy of letting it all hang out. A recent obituary writer and her TikTok champions seem to be of that ilk.  This daughter who was allegedly wronged by her father stated within a widely-published obituary: “I am pleased to announce the passing of [name] at the age of 74. After suffering multiple strokes, one, thankfully leaving him unable to speak, the abusive, narcissistic absentee father/husband/brother/ son finally kicked the bucket.”

Social-media fans responded gleefully with the following comments: “This is amazing. I am proud of you.”  “He’s lucky you even said anything at all.” “You are legendary.”  And finally: “It’s OK that you shared this. It is part of your healing.”

Yet we can't help but ask: Is it truly healing to engage in this sort of a meanspirited catharsis?

Resources

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/canadian-woman-shares-late-fathers-brutally-honest-obituary-karma-161243905.html

https://newbuddhist.com/discussion/25328/the-three-gates

Marital Borders: Open or Closed?

(Public Domain)

Borders are a fact of life, yet they need not be completely open or tightly shut.  The sweet spot is generally somewhere  in between.  Where to draw that line is a question to be wrestled with: often politically, and sometimes personally.

A female shopper recently asked another woman’s husband to assist her in reaching for an item on the upper shelf.  He then turned to his wife, eyeing her for a nod of approval.  What followed was an online wifely rant regarding the so-called nerve of that female shopper.

This rant led to comments ranging from approval of such marital boundaries to criticism of the wife’s alleged insecurity. Many responses were based upon assumed inside knowledge about their marital history and commitments.

It is unknown whether said husband and wife had prior agreements regarding third parties, perhaps based upon former incidents.  Although reaching for an item seems like a one-time deal, long journeys sometimes begin with a first impromptu step.

Resources

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/relationships/georgia-woman-asks-man-to-reach-item-on-top-shelf-at-kroger-then-his-wife-intervenes-and-just-like-that-she-becomes-the-kroger-lady/  

   

             

What AI Can't Easily Replace

You rang, Madam?
(Photo by Gnsin)

Spiritual teachers have long warned against falling into robotic-like ruts of thinking and behaving.  They’ve recommended mindfulness as an alternative to such habits.

AI will soon be able to out-robot humans in pretty much all rote tasks.  And yet there is one aspect of humanity that can’t, by its very nature, be easily mechanized.  That mysterious force within humans is commonly called creativity.

Creativity seems as unfathomable as Creation itself.  It might therefore be the twelfth of never before AI can replicate humanity’s inventiveness. Jeff Bezos recently explained that “people capable of generating original ideas, not just executing established tasks” will be the workers who robots cannot easily replace.

Resources

https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/technology/jeff-bezos-says-only-one-kind-of-worker-will-remain-irreplaceable-in-the-age-of-ai/

Autumnal Reflections

 

(Photo by Richard Ricciardi)

Leaves are often bursting with beauty just before they fall.  Humans also experience bouts of beauty before they finally detach from life in this world.

Contrary to popular opinion, dying is not just a fearful affair. According to Dr. Christopher Kerr, a decades-long hospice physician, this final phase can provide a “unique vantage point” that “changes one’s perspective and perception.”

In his study of “more than 1,500 end-of-life events,” Kerr found that “most dying patients” experience intense visions and/or dreams that provide transformational closure.  These experiences are marked with clarity, rather than with the confusion that often accompanies medication-induced states.

Although sometimes wracked with cycles of guilt and remorse, such processes allow for the release of unresolved relationship traumas, which often results in loving feelings of peaceful completion. 

Resources

End-of-life doctor reveals what people say right before death

What we think we know

 

Fruit Bat
(Photo by Lietuvos zoologijos)

We not only think we know what we think we know, but we also continue to pass it on for decades.

Take “blind as a bat” for instance.  Are bats really blind, or is that just something optometrists use for effect?  It turns out that some bats are more or less blind, whereas others are less so than more so.  Fruit bats are said to “have huge adorable eyes that work very well. “

And how about those buckled top hats that “Pilgrims” wear within many a school play, along with all-black outfits?  Did European denizens of the “new world” really sport such garb while chasing down summertime deer?  Or did they instead don multi-colored linen shirts and shifts?

So is the Great Wall of China really visible from space?  It might just depend upon how well “visible” and “space” are defined.  “NASA has gone on record saying it’s not visible from the moon and barely visible from low-earth orbit.”  This popular trope is likely just a PR stunt to promote human dominance over all else…

Resources

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/15-myths-american-schools-still-teach-that-are-totally-false/ss-AA1Fh2dq?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&cvid=d47dd4aaf03c48beb5844410eeec57af&ei=38#image=15.

Stubborn Is as Stubborn Does

Fanjingshan, Ghizhou, China
(Public Domain)

Stubborn has gotten a bad rap over time.  Rather than eliciting praise for being dedicated, it’s been maligned for being “pigheaded” and “uncooperative.”

Yet there are certain things not worth cooperating with. When outside forces threaten to turn your ancestral village into a tourist trap, it might be wise to summon up a heaping helping of stubborn.

Which is exactly what Chen Tianming did when authorities came after his “family’s humble stone bungalow” within China’s beautiful Guizhou province… Amidst a “flurry of demolition notices,” Tianming not only remained in place, but also expanded upon his existing home. 

Continuing onward and literally upward, Tianming painstakingly added one story after another to his original structure.  Taipei Times reported: “He now presides over a bewildering 10-story, pyramid-shaped warren of rickety staircases, balconies and other add-ons,” all of which ironically attracts way more tourism than the surrounding bulldozed landscape.

Resources

https://www.taipeitimes.com/News/world/archives/2025/06/09/2003838309

 

   

Antivenom: Live and Let Die

(Public Domain)

The story of Adam, Eve and the Serpent is quite well-known, even among non-believers.  Many would agree that serpents can be life-threatening, although some would distinguish between physical and eternal life.

If eternal life is your goal, it could be best to ignore the temptations that a serpentine figure might offer. If physical life is your perceived end game, it still might be wise to proceed cautiously through slithery terrain. In either case, advance preparation is key.

An effective “antivenom” for slippery slopes can be devotion to a Truth that could ultimately yield freedom from all vicious cycles.  Or, you could instead spend precious days, months and years encouraging snakes to bite your temporal flesh.

The latter is what a fellow named Tim Friede is all too familiar with.  After becoming comatose from self-induced poisoning, Friede later declared, “I know what it feels like to die from snakebite.”  He went on to repeatedly defy the adage “Once bitten, twice shy.”  After more and more bites, Friede was finally ready to abandon the Serpent.  And yet, he then wistfully uttered, “I do miss it.”  An all-too-common feeling we humans tend to have while loosening the grip of toxic habits...

Resources

https://news.yahoo.com/news/man-let-snakes-bite-him-025559322.html 

Oh, HENRY!

Don't bite off more than you can chew...
(Public Domain)

As long as we’ve come up with stereotypical  Karens, we might as well add some HENRYs to the mix.

Whereas “Karen” is a caricature, HENRY is actually an acronym for “High Earners, Not Rich Yet.”  Although their annual salaries generally range from $250,000 to $500,000, this does not translate into substantial savings.

Considered to be “asset-poor,” HENRYs are often overwhelmed by locked-in debts and taxes.  Their keeping-up-with-the-Joneses lifestyle is by no means cheap.

So what’s a HENRY to do?  Can a simpler path be followed?  Perhaps not easily and perhaps not immediately, yet some movement toward economic and egoic downsizing might greatly help.

Resources

https://news.yahoo.com/news/finance/news/6-figure-salary-still-don-190220885.html

Next to Godliness

 

The Creation
(Painting by James Tissot)

Although the saying “Cleanliness is next to godliness” cannot be specifically found within the Bible, literal and symbolic references abound within both Testaments.

Leviticus includes instructions for bathing, laundering, handling corpses, and fighting against infectious disease. Deuteronomy offers tips on toileting etiquette.  In Acts, Paul speaks about washing sins away, and in Revelation "John says those who wash their robes are blessed.”

God Himself seems to favor a neat and orderly Creation.  He began scooping up the primordial soup right away in Genesis One.  He might as well have commanded, “A place for everything, and everything in its place!”

Humans also have a predilection for organizing chaos.  In his book Maps of Meaning, Dr. Jordan Peterson explains that our beliefs can be formed as a means of taming unruly passions.  Our brains are neurologically wired to support cherished categorizations.  Genesis 1:27 contends: “God created man in his own image.”

Resources

https://www.northheightscoc.org/me-looking-for-the-verse-that-says-cleanliness-is-next-to-godliness/

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2218102.Maps_of_Meaning

 

 

Buried

Daric Coin

A stash of valuable gold coins had been hidden for thousands of years within the ancient equivalent of a neighborhood bank. Archaeologists recently discovered this buried treasure beneath the floor of a fifth-century BC home.

They believe it belonged to a mercenary soldier who fought and died “when tension was high” between Greeks and Persians.  This soldier had likely been paid with said coins, thus exchanging health for wealth, and life for death.

Chances are that he never got to benefit from his valiant efforts.  Chances are that he was never even buried as carefully as these coins.  Chances are that people the world over are still making bets that hearts broken by strife will go on beating indefinitely.

Resources

https://news.yahoo.com/pot-gold-coins-uncovered-turkey-234247857.html 

Eldest Daughter, Younger Mother

Mary and Elizabeth
(Photo by Deror avi)

When a daughter becomes old enough to resonate with her mother’s later-in-life pregnancy, some interesting things can occur.

A 15-year, University of California research study found that early signs of puberty often result from this “eldest daughter syndrome.”  Such signs include changes in bodily hair, skin conditions, cognitive development and emotional maturity.  They are especially prevalent when Mom exhibits symptoms of prenatal stress.

This syndrome takes on a life of its own after the baby arrives.  The eldest daughter is often thrust into a nurturing role.  This might be Nature’s way of ensuring that the infant will survive if Mom were not able to provide adequate care.

Researchers from the United Kingdom’s University of Essex found that eldest daughters are often quite successful in life.  Oprah Winfrey and Beyonce are convincing examples of this. It just goes to show: Real-life challenges can be way more fruitful than TikTok ones.

Resources

https://news.yahoo.com/eldest-daughter-syndrome-real-thing-104507937.html 

Death by Selfie

Narcissus at the Spring
(Painting by Jan Roos)

There's an Ancient Greek myth about Narcissus, who was so in love with his own watery reflection that he lost his life while admiring it.

Before grabbing a camera and heading for precarious cliffs, it might be wise to recall this tragic tale.  It’s one thing to carefully navigate a hiking trail, but quite another to clown around on edgy ground.  The selfie you take while pirouetting atop a ledge might very well be your last.

The Journal of Medical Internet Research recently published the results of a study about selfie-related deaths.  These are increasing to the point where they’re being called “a public health problem.” According to Sam Cornell of the University of Sydney, the average age of such deaths “was 22 and most casualties were female tourists.”

Even when the body survives, the psyche can be crushed by habitual self-absorption.

Resources

https://www.iheart.com/content/2023-11-27-taking-selfies-is-now-considered-a-public-health-problem/ mid=1190335&rid=98364581&sc=email&pname=newsletter&cid=NATIONAL&keyid=National%20iHeart%20Daily%20NewsTalk&campid=headline4_readmore

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissus_(mythology)

  

Don't bite off more than you can chew

Vipera berus
(Photo by Benny Trapp)

Even God took a day off: we call it the Sabbath.  Yet humans tend to think they can go and go, get and get, take and take without dire consequences.

Humans aren’t the only ones.  A viperine snake was recently stuck with an oversized fish in its mouth.  It had attempted to swallow a spiny specimen that just wouldn’t go down.  The spines had lodged in the snake’s esophagus, which then hoisted the viperine upon its own greedy petard.

At that prickly point, along came an empathetic human.  He managed to gently dislodge the fish spines from the snake’s mouth – just as one would remove a hook from a fish’s mouth - just as people seek to remove the Serpent’s sting from their own lives...

Resources

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/snake-choking-invasive-fish-size-065828441.html 

Your Looks or Your Life

Jack Benny in 1964
(Public Domain)

Some might remember the Jack Benny skit in which he was commanded, “Your money or your life!”  Because Benny cultivated the comic image of being notoriously cheap, he would assume a contemplative position, hesitate and say, “Hmmmm…”

There are those who would do the same with their looks.  When confronted with a dilemma of whether to sacrifice vanity for well-being, they might choose vanity over life itself.  Some have died from the aftereffects of cosmetic surgery - others from over exercising while trying to appear younger, sleeker, stronger, or all of the above.

An alleged example of risking health for stealth recently surfaced in the news.  An ex-White House aide named Cassidy Hutchinson claimed that Donald Trump generally refused to mask up during the pandemic, even before vaccines and treatments were developed.  And why?  Hutchinson said this was because Trump’s bronze make-up would leak onto the mask.

After noticing this on the straps of his N95, Trump declared, “I’m not wearing this thing!”  Numerous fans then followed suit.  Who knows how many might have then traded life for vain idol worship?

Resources

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tVzdUczMT0

https://www.yahoo.com/news/ex-white-house-aide-reveals-061332617.html 

Vitamin N: Combating 'Nature Deficiency Disease'

Morning Glory
Public Domain

It turns out that folks like Thoreau and Whitman really had it right when it came to extolling Nature's virtues.

Those (i.e., most "civilized" beings) who are suffering from NDD (Nature Deficiency Disease) often don't know what they're missing.  While scurrying through sealed-in environments, they experience vague symptoms that could likely be relieved with just a little green grass and sunshine.  Blankets of snow with cloud-covered skies would also suffice.  As long as it's Nature with a capital N...

This "prescription" isn't just a poetic flight of fancy.  As reported in the July 2009 edition of the AARP Bulletin, 38 research participants were assigned to take a 50ish-minute walk in either the Ann Arbor Arboretum or in that city's built-up downtown section.  Guess whose attention and memory spans improved by 20 percent?  You got it: the Arboretum group's.

The study's lead author, Marc Berman, explained that a Nature walk has enough stimulation to capture the attention, yet not so much as to overwhelm the thought processes.  This beneficial combination lulls the mind into an "active rest" which "tends to be restorative."

Which resonates well with the following quote from Whitman: A morning glory at my window satisfies me more than the metaphysics of books.

And with this quote from Thoreau: I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. 

Resources

http://www.aarp.org/health/fitness/info-07-2009/nature_science_shows.html