From ancient byways to modern highways, glimpses of faith are everywhere...

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Divorce regrets: Some better than none

(Image by Fibonaci)
While riding past a local church the other day, I happened to notice this message on the outside board:  Appreciate what you have before it becomes what you had.

In this age of "no regrets," moving on all too often entails a knee-jerk response to marital breakups.  Even within the worst of situations, there are kernels of truths to learn from.  However, many relationships simply wither on the vine from a lack of attentiveness.  MSN Living's Kristin Wong reports on lessons "learned the hard way" from those who have experienced the heartbreak of divorce.

These lessons were categorized by psychologist Terri Orbuch who "has been conducting a study on 373 couples since 1986."  Of these couples, 46 percent have divorced, and 44 percent have remarried.  Particularly interested in their tough lessons learned, Dr. Orbuch found that there were "five main areas of regret."

Four of these areas fit right in with standard pastoral teachings.  They are as follows:  expressing love (this includes helping a partner to feel good about who he or she is), letting go of the past (including strong feelings about an ex), letting go of blame (analyzing in terms of "we" rather than simply in terms of "you" or "I"), and opening up about yourself  (regularly communicating thoughts and feelings).

The fifth area of regret has to do with money.  Dr. Orbuch presents this alarming statistic:  49 percent of those divorced said they fought so much over money in their past relationship, they're certain it will be a problem in their next one.  Dr. Orbuch's advice?  "Talk money more often," and "not just when it's tax time…"  Wong also points out that "six of 10 divorced people who started a new relationship chose not to
combine finances the next time around."


Copyright September 27, 2012 by Linda Van Slyke   All Rights Reserved

No comments:

Post a Comment