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| The proverbial shhhh... |
The fifth second often finds them anxiously wondering whether it’s something they did, said, didn’t digest, or all of the above. The discomfort increases as pregnant pauses give birth to feelings of rejection. Psychologist Namkje Koudenburg, leader of the Dutch research team, explained to Tom Jacobs of Miller-McCune: Conversational flow is associated with positive emotions, and a heightened sense of belonging, self-esteem, social validation and consensus. Disrupting the flow by a brief silence produces feelings of rejection and negative emotions.
If so, what happens to those who infinitely prefer the sound of one hand clapping to the sounds of two lips flapping? Are they doomed to a lifetime of continual chit-chat in order to feel accepted?
For some, the answer has been to move from the RV park to the monastery. When the norm shifts from gossiping around the campfire to meditating around the wood stove, the sense of belonging is revamped. One no longer needs to lip-sync the latest scandal (be it local or international) in order to feel accepted. One can simply rest in the stillness of all that shall be well.
However, getting overly attached to silence can be just as spiritually lethal as getting overly attached to conversation. Zenbananas offers this story as an example: During a particularly profound monastery meditation, the cook’s assistant (down the hall) dropped an empty pot. The clang was intense, but not as intense as the meditators’ reactions. The furrowing of their brows was as loud as any dropped pot. Upon noticing this, their master finally spoke: You must understand, my friends, that silence is not the absence of sound. Silence is the absence of self.
http://healthland.time.com/2010/12/30/awkward-silences-4-seconds-is-all-it-takes-to-feel-rejected/
http://zenbananas.com/stories/silence-is-not-the-absence-of-sound/
Copyright June 5, 2011 by Linda Van Slyke All Rights Reserved
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