John Gottman: Apocalyptic marriages



Painting by Victor Vasnetsov (1887)

During these perhaps-apocalyptic times, “divorce do us part” seems far more prevalent than “death do us part.”  Dr. John Gottman has spent the better part of the past 35 years researching specifics on why this is the case.

Gottman is currently Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington.  He is also the founder of the Relationship Research Institute (RRI) in Seattle.  According to RRI’s website, its mission is “to provide relevant, empirically validated support to improve the lives of couples, children, families and society.”  RRI has strong commitments to making research findings readily available to the public, and to utilizing research for the improvement of relevant social policies.

Because Dr. Gottman is well-known for having scientifically predicted (with up to 94% accuracy) which couples will divorce, people have been sitting up and taking notice.  Dr. Gottman, perhaps jokingly, attributes this attention-getting accuracy to his waning amount of dinner invitations.  People also zap to attention when he compares the most destructive of marital habits to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

These original Four Horsemen of Revelation 6:1-8 have been identified as Conquest (on white horse), War (on red horse), Famine (on black horse), and Death (on pale horse).  On a smaller (but perhaps equally destructive and colorful) scale, Gottman identifies the Four Marital Horsemen:  Criticism (“You’re so arrogant…”); Contempt (“You’re such a jerk…”); Defensiveness (“It’s all your fault…”); and Stonewalling  (“Oh, look at the time…”).

Just as prophecy is often more a dire warning than a done deal, so are Gottman’s predictions.  His goal is not to be the Grim Reaper of Divorce, but rather the Guardian Angel of Marriage.  To this effect, he’s urged numerous couples to “repent” by turning these Four Marital Horsemen back around in their tracks.  His numerous books, articles, workshops and speaking engagements are a testament to his evangelical ardor along these lines.

Resources

http://www.gottman.com/49853/Research-FAQs.html

http://www.rrinstitute.com/drupal/relationship-research-institute-about

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Horsemen_of_the_Apocalypse

Copyright February 15, 2011 by Linda Van Slyke   All Rights Reserved