Biblical lifespans: Retirement and then some

Methuselah
Canterbury Cathedral

If social security had been around in biblical times, it would have gone bankrupt long ago.  For some lucky patriarchs, human life was the gift that kept on giving.

Sometimes dubbed "Antediluvian" (having lived before the Noah's Ark flood), these elders allegedly earned the following number of candles for their final birthday cakes: Enoch (365), Lamech (777), Mahalalel (895), Enos (905), Kenan (910), Seth (912), Adam (930), Noah (950), Jared (962) and Methuselah (969).  As math would have it, that's thousands of years of virtue, wisdom, and slipped disks.

If you're wondering why Enoch "only" lived to be 365, rest assured that his fate was even better than that of his com-patriarchs.  It is said that Enoch never actually died; he was instead "translated" by God, perhaps into another dimension.  Some even believe that Enoch is alive to this day (move over, Methuselah).

For the rest of us mortals, accelerated aging seems genetically predetermined. Perhaps the Genesis flood, which severely limited the human gene pool, led to hereditary mutations that shortened lifespans... 

Resources

https://www.oldest.org/religion/people-bible/ 

 

Salacious Salome: A walk on the Wilde side

Herod's Banquet
Painting by Fra Filippo Lippi

Throughout many stories concerning the Daughter of Herodias, one common theme emerges: disgust.

Although her name derives from the Hebrew root word for peace, few interpretations of Salome's life were soothing.  Violence, hypocrisy and political intrigue were dominant themes until Oscar Wilde came along.  He then made sure that Salome's salaciousness was given top literary billing.

In Wilde's famous play, it doesn't take but an instant for Salome to fall totally in lust with Iokanaan the Baptist.  As she stares at his tortured imprisoned body for the very first time, she immediately notes that his eyes "are like black lakes troubled by fantastic moons" and his chaste flesh is "like a shaft of silver."  He, on the other hand, calls her a "daughter of Babylon" whose "mother hath filled the earth with the wine of her inquities."

Not an auspicious first encounter, and it only get worse from there...

This initial assessment of her and her closest kin only serves to fan the flames of Salome's passion.  Whereas most might run (or at least hide) from such condemnation, Salome merely replies: Speak again, Iokanaan.  Thy voice is as music to mine ear.  All the "Daughter of Sodom" accusations in the world couldn't dissuade her from yearning to kiss his pomegranate-like lips.

No need to recount (and every need to recant) all the subsequent details.  Suffice it to say that Salome did get to kiss those lips - at which point, even Herod concludes: In truth, what she has done is a great crime.  I am sure that it is a crime against some unknown God.

Resources

http://www.wilde-online.info/salome.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/siki/Salome

Don't bite off more than you can chew

Vipera berus
(Photo by Benny Trapp)

Even God took a day off: we call it the Sabbath.  Yet humans tend to think they can go and go, get and get, take and take without dire consequences.

Humans aren’t the only ones.  A viperine snake was recently stuck with an oversized fish in its mouth.  It had attempted to swallow a spiny specimen that just wouldn’t go down.  The spines had lodged in the snake’s esophagus, which then hoisted the viperine upon its own greedy petard.

At that prickly point, along came an empathetic human.  He managed to gently dislodge the fish spines from the snake’s mouth – just as one would remove a hook from a fish’s mouth - just as people seek to remove the Serpent’s sting from their own lives...

Resources

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/snake-choking-invasive-fish-size-065828441.html 

Your Looks or Your Life

Jack Benny in 1964
(Public Domain)

Some might remember the Jack Benny skit in which he was commanded, “Your money or your life!”  Because Benny cultivated the comic image of being notoriously cheap, he would assume a contemplative position, hesitate and say, “Hmmmm…”

There are those who would do the same with their looks.  When confronted with a dilemma of whether to sacrifice vanity for well-being, they might choose vanity over life itself.  Some have died from the aftereffects of cosmetic surgery - others from over exercising while trying to appear younger, sleeker, stronger, or all of the above.

An alleged example of risking health for stealth recently surfaced in the news.  An ex-White House aide named Cassidy Hutchinson claimed that Donald Trump generally refused to mask up during the pandemic, even before vaccines and treatments were developed.  And why?  Hutchinson said this was because Trump’s bronze make-up would leak onto the mask.

After noticing this on the straps of his N95, Trump declared, “I’m not wearing this thing!”  Numerous fans then followed suit.  Who knows how many might have then traded life for vain idol worship?

Resources

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tVzdUczMT0

https://www.yahoo.com/news/ex-white-house-aide-reveals-061332617.html